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COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE SERVICES is a team approach to adult problem solving for families in crisis and transition. Divorce is a legal process that involves legal, financial and emotional hopes and concerns. Traditional divorce litigation is a process that, by the nature of the design, tends to bring out the worst in parents and spouses. The litigation process is based in win-loose positioning that is wrapped in "I'm right and your wrong" thinking. Collaborative Divorce Services provides a process for adult problem solving that focuses on the family and how the needs of the family can be met from an interest based approach instead of a positional approach.
COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE SERVICES explores options through the use of brainstorming techniques that are supported by (1) assessing the hopes and concerns of the family members (2) identifying the interests to be met (3) gathering and re-balancing legal and financial information and (4) exploring options that divorcing couples would consider as possible solutions. Divorce is not a battle to be won, it is a problem to be solved!
If you have children and are about to go though a divorce or separation, the choices that you make as to how to adult problem solve begin to recreate the legacy that you will be leaving your children as your family transitions from what it was to what it is going to be. The initial decisions that are made are essential to the creation of a strong, supportive and healthy value system for all family members. Children have a pre-conceived notion of how divorce looks as they have already seen it through the eyes of their peers. They have heard the stories of destruction, anger, fear and hopelessness from their peers whose families fought the battle instead of modeling adult problem solving. If your family is about to go through this transition, you can send a different message to your children. You can make process decisions that will promote a transition of your family that will be constructive for your children instead of destructive.
Every family is different and has different needs. As a result, Collaborative Divorce Services can look different for each family. The common thread is the team approach to the emotional, legal and financial hopes and concerns of a family that is transitioning.
FULL TEAM MODEL: The full team model is the best equipped model of peaceful conflict resolution, but may not be for every family. The full team model consists of two collaborative attorneys, two divorce coaches, one neutral financial, and one child specialist of there are children in the family. This is a model that I personally believe in, have been trained in, and have become a trainer. It is the best way to address all of the family needs and to support the family during their transition. Statistically speaking, the full team model is about half the cost of a litigated case, and takes about half of the time. That being said, I don?t believe in it because it is statistically less expensive or faster, I believe in it because it is a better process for the family. Investing into a full team of highly trained and experienced collaborative professionals should pay huge dividends to the family. Some of these benefits are:
<> The full team should facilitate adult problem solving that is based in informed consent. In so doing, the divorcing couple is empowered to make their own decisions supported by all of the information that they could possibly need or want;
<> The full team provides a pathway for new skills for the adults to take with them such as flexible thinking, how to manage their emotions, and new ways to communicate more effectively;
<> The neutral financial can provide help in budgeting finances, forecasting financial health and planning and other useful tools;
<> The child specialist can provide information as to the developmental needs of the children and how to meet them in a way that positions the children for success;
<> The family leaves the process with a sense of accomplishment, and reasons to be proud of what they have accomplished;
The divorcing couple "opts out" of the judicial system, works with their team of professionals to achieve a peaceful resolution of their family's concerns, and then an agreed upon judgment is submitted back to the court for the Judge's signature. This is a no court divorce.
HYBRID TEAM MODEL: The hybrid model is a team that is designed for the specific needs of the family in crisis and transition. The team is consists of two or more collaborative professionals, each trained to meet the legal, emotional, financial or parenting needs of the family. Instead of using the full team, the family with the help of a Collaborative Divorce Professional designs smaller Collaborative Team that is intended to meet the family's unique needs. The "Team" might consist of 1 Collaborative Mediator, 1 or 2 Divorce Coaches, 1 Neutral Financial and or 1 Child Specialist. It might also consist of 1 Collaborative Lawyer\Mediator and 1 Divorce Coach working together to provide a co-mediation, or it might look like 1 Collaborative Lawyer, 1 Divorce Coach and 1 Neutral Financial working together to provide a co-mediation. Because each family is unique, their hybrid collaborative team will look different. No matter how the hybrid team is shaped, the divorcing couple "opts out" of the judicial system, works with their team of Collaborative Professionals to achieve a peaceful resolution of their family's concerns, and then an agreed upon judgment is submitted back to the court for the Judge's signature. Before the Judgment is submitted to the Court, the divorcing couple has the opportunity to consult with their own "consulting attorney" to review the Judgment before it is agreed to. This is a no court divorce. This is a divorce process that is built to meet the specific needs of the family, to address their unique hopes and concerns, and to position them to achieve success as they define it for themselves.
MEDIATION MODEL: Traditional mediation is the divorcing couple working with a mediator. As the mediator, sometimes I will recommend to the couple that they bring in a specialist for a specific task, such as a child specialist for a specific co-parenting concern, or a neutral financial professional to provide assistance with a financial issue or budgeting concern. The divorcing couple "opts out" of the judicial system, works with their mediator to achieve a peaceful resolution of their family's concerns, and then an agreed upon judgment is prepared. Each party then takes the agreed upon judgment to their own consulting attorney who helps them confirm their understanding of the settlement, and discusses their unique concerns before the judgment is signed. Then the judgment is submitted back to the court for the Judge's signature. This is a no court divorce. This is a divorce process that is based in the law and is intended to meet the needs of the family.
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